Conversations with Yourself

Of all the people on the planet you talk to yourself more than anyone. As a bi-product of this, the life you lead is often a reflection of the thoughts you think.

Last week I was driving into the United Center on the Eisenhower Expressway, stuck in the normal bumper-to-bumper dumpster fire that typically occurs every morning in Chicago. In the middle of the ride in, I had a moment where I recognized that I had told myself the same story in my head literally three times over in a two-minute span. The narrative of the story was not a positive one. I snapped out of it and was honestly a bit annoyed at how this story got set on repeat in my head.

The rest of the drive, I started to reflect on the frequency of these self-thought loops and the importance of controlling the narrative that goes on in our mind. After all, if we aren’t aware of what we are telling ourselves and lose control of our thoughts, we will end up telling ourselves lies that have no substance or validity.

According to the Natural Science Foundation:

  • We have 50,000 thoughts every day.
  • Of those 75-80% are negative.
  • Of those 40,000 negative thoughts – 95% are the exact same negative thoughts as the day before!

Christine Caine stated that our thoughts are like a train, they take us somewhere.  It’s really important think about what we’re thinking about, and learn to take every thought captive. If we change our thoughts, we can change our life. Don’t just go with the flow, arrest your thoughts today and make sure they are in line with where you want to go.


The Two Potential Thought Paths

NEGATIVE THOUGHT LOOPS 

Robert Iger stated in his book Ride of a Lifetime that he cannot overstate how important it is to keep blows to the ego, as real as they often are, from occupying too big a place in your mind and sapping too much of your energy. It’s easy to be optimistic when everyone is telling you you’re great. It’s much harder, and much more necessary to be optimistic, when your sense of yourself is being challenged. Below are two potential outcomes:

Imposter Syndrome

When negative thought loops take root and solidify in your mind – you can easily start communicating to yourself that you aren’t excelling at your job, you’re a terrible spouse/parent or ultimately bring no value to anyone in your life. This can go down a rabbit hole quickly where ultimately you think are doing things that you aren’t qualified to do or you are in the bottom percentage of those who have similar responsibilities. The narrative quickly becomes that other people are better at everything and soon you will be exposed at how mediocre you truly are.

Unnecessary Worry & Anxiety

It is easy to obsess over the opinions of others, as well as their approval and acceptance of you. It’s also common to focus on the decisions we make on a daily basis and the downstream effects of each choice we make. If we aren’t careful we can stay fixated on any of the issues at hand and also what WE THINK may transpire as an outcome.

According to research at Penn State University: Only 8% of the potential outcomes we spend so much time worrying about actually come true. Said differently less than 10% of the things you actually stress or worry about are worth it.

It’s a dangerous and slippery slope if we fail to control our negative thoughts. Recognizing that these are just thoughts (not factual or truth), letting them go and re-framing your mind quickly is pivotal.

“You are busy doubting yourself while so many people are intimidated by your potential.”

POSITIVE THOUGHT LOOPS

We need to be intentional about communicating positivity into ourselves. Intentionality in this sense means having habits and systems in place to remind yourself of how truly special and unique you are. If you can constantly reinforce your greatest strengths, kind words from others, stories of successes and daily gratitude reminders – you can help stay in the mindset that keeps you driving forward. Below are two potential outcomes:

Self Confidence

According to NBC News, 85% of the world’s population suffers from low self-confidence. When you are able to see value in yourself and be confident, you are then able feel comfortable in your own skin and worthwhile. Those who have self-confidence also tend to have better relationships with family, friends and business associates – and are also more open to learn and accept feedback. This can then result in acquiring new skills and increased self-development.

Optimism

Optimism is a hopeful outlook about you and your future. When you are optimistic you can be a creative thinker who can recover from setbacks. Channel your energy into positive thinking and let yourself continue to dream big! When you can maintain an optimistic mindset, you can also receive the health benefits of reduced stress, better psychological and physical well-being and better coping skills during stressful times.

“There are people less qualified than you doing the things you want to do, simply because they decide to believe in themselves. Period.” – Denzel Washington

HOW DO WE SUSTAIN POSITIVE THINKING?

Control your inputs

Our input determines your outlook. Your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future.  If what enters our body (inputs) matter so much, we need to audit everything that could potentially impact us.

What are you listening to?

Are you surrounding yourself with the right people who are your support system? Could there be situations that you could refrain from in order to stay in a more positive frame of mind? Are the music and podcasts you listen to putting you in a positive mindset?

What are you allowing yourself to see?

Are the things you are entertained by, read or study ultimately inputs that are uplifting, encouraging or making you better?

What are you allowing yourself to taste?

Are the things you are eating and drinking things that are healthy? Is what you are putting into your body nourishing and enabling you to feel better about yourself and your overall health?

Audit everything that enters your body through the five senses. It’s your life and your body is a temple. Make sure you are exposing yourself holistically to things that position you to grow, develop and become the best version of yourself. Some of the your inputs may be self-sabotaging your future. Identify them and eliminate them immediately.

“Be a Goldfish” – Ted Lasso

Selective Memory

Benjamin Hardy wrote in his book Personality Isn’t Permanent that you need to be strategic about what you remember. You need an environment that continuously calls to mind your future self. If your environment doesn’t continuously bring your future self to the forefront, then your environment is activating a different you.

Being a successful, creative person requires selective ignorance. Selective ignorance is not the avoidance of learning. It’s not the avoidance of getting feedback. It’s simply the intelligence of knowing that with certain things and people, the juice will never be worth the squeeze. Know what to avoid.

If you’re serious about becoming your future self, you’ll need to create an environment for strategic ignorance.

What happens when we audit and take control of our thoughts?

Carol Dweck stats that for thirty years her research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value.

The mind is powerful tool – make sure you have it programmed in a way where it is working for you and not against you.


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