Eerie. Weird. Unbelievable. Unforgettable. There are many adjectives that I could use to define how this story unfolded a few months ago. This was probably one of the most unique string of events I’ve personally ever experienced – and something that will continue to reconfirm many of my personal beliefs throughout the rest of my life.
I need to rewind a bit to set the stage. Hang in there. It gets real, I promise.
My family is invested in a multitude of ways to Hillsong Church. This church always seems to be in the media as being ‘different’ for better and for worse. However, we dig the rock concert-style worship, the weekend messages have solid practical depth, and appreciate that folks from every walk of life are welcome at this church.
While out in New York City, every Sunday we would bear the elements and walk past Madison Square Garden to listen Carl Lentz give some incredibly impactful messages that truly made us better human beings. The church was also there for us in Los Angeles and made us feel at home in a new city with plenty of new surroundings. This church has been our home for well over seven years.
Halfway through 2020, many things broke in the media that shook the church. First, it came to light that Pastor Carl Lentz was no longer with Hillsong, and the two parties split and had gone in different directions.
For those who haven’t heard the name – Pastor Carl is one of the most influential pastors in the country, and a spiritual leader to many A-List celebrities including the Biebs, Chris Pratt, Selena Gomez, Kevin Durant, Kyree Irving, Bono, the Kardashians, Kylie Jenner – the list goes on and on. He’s tattooed up, young, cool – essentially, he reminds me of me.
Pastor Carl was someone who I learned so much from over the years and aligned with as to what the ‘church’ should look like. Carl always spoke of Hillsong being a crowd of imperfect people, from all walks of life, all races and all sexual orientations – the table was big, and all were invited and embraced. My personal views evolved significantly while learning under Carl and I was hurt when the news hit that he wasn’t going to be my leader on a weekly basis anymore.
After the initial shock, I felt in my heart a stirring that I personally needed, and was going to, encounter Pastor Carl and tell him that he was loved. Let me say that again in case it didn’t quite stick. I had a thought that I was to cross paths with this guy and tell him that he was my homeboy and I (and the church) loved him.
It’s weird, I get it. I also tried to brush this thought off to the side, ignore it and let it be something to never think about again.
But it wouldn’t go away. In fact, the message kept coming back louder and louder.
Quickly after the news broke that Carl was no longer with the church, the tabloids quickly shifted to the fact that Carl had just moved from the East Coast to Manhattan Beach, CA – a whopping two minutes from where I lived in Hermosa.
Now in this season in my life, I too had some extra time on my hands. Every day as a part of my routine, I would run up and down the beach from Hermosa to Manhattan Beach and back. I’d start by heading down to this tucked away little ‘courtyard’ where I could meditate, read, stretch, and spend some time solitude. It was South Bay’s best kept secret and I spent up to three hours there every day working on my mindset and well-being.
Inevitably, now that Pastor Carl was living in Manhattan Beach, I would constantly think about this crazy seed in my head that I needed to tell him he was loved. On a weekly basis this thought made it’s way through my brain, and I would find myself wondering why I couldn’t shake it or let it go.
After months of this going on, as opposed to running away from the thought, I started to really embrace it and actually lean into it heavily. I’d pray that if this was truly what he needed to hear that I’d be the weird dude that would walk up to this world-famous pastor and tell him how much he was valued.
The day never seemed to come. Days, weeks and months passed – always running with my head up looking for a needle in a haystack and this fictional scenario that I was sure would never transpire.
Then, in my final weeks in living L.A. – the story unfolded.
One morning, I was finishing up a run on ‘The Strand’ and was exhausted from the final sprint over the last quarter mile. Like most days, I was ready to either have a cocktail on a patio overlooking the Pacific (to offset my exercise) or head back to the courtyard to read. As I was walking to cool down, all the sudden I see this pretty built dude in a cut off riding this clean black bike CRUISING by pedestrians who were riding and running on the pier.
As I looked, I instantly recognized the big gold rimmed glass frames that I stared into each Sunday. I didn’t know for sure, but I knew for sure. While he was riding seemingly 25 mph in one direction, I was walking less than one mph the complete opposite way. What if that was really him? Given the fact we were going opposite directions, it seemed as if this prophetic moment wouldn’t be playing out. It just wasn’t quite the right place or right time.
I kept walking for another three minutes and then stopped dead in my tracks to say a prayer. I said – if You stop him from biking further and sit him down, I will go back in the opposite direction and do what I said I’d do all along. It’s in your hands now though.
In as equally clear of a message as the first, I felt Him say – he’ll be waiting for you in your courtyard.
I had goosebumps. I knew something was happening and this story was only beginning.
I pulled a 180 degree turn. The courtyard was about a quarter mile away – so if I got there and he wasn’t there, I could then have piece of mind that I was indeed insane, and could go back home and go on with my day, dismissing this chaotic thought once and for all.
As I approached the courtyard I was nervous, wondering if that man was indeed there if I would actually have the balls to potentially walk up and approach him – just to then double down and tell him I love him.
Sure enough, as I walked up to my courtyard he wasn’t just there – he was sitting on the same bench I always meditate and read on. Bike parked, water battle out – just chilling. My heart was beating out of my chest. There is no way that all this was actually happening.
There were plenty of open benches, but I just ripped the band aid off and went right up to him.
“Um…hey.” – I awkwardly stuttered.
“Sup man.” – said the guy who smelled good and had a cool bike.
“Hey, this is going to be just as weird as it is for me as it is for you, but I am going to first assume you are Pastor Carl, my pastor. I just wanted to let you know that I have had a stirring in my heart for the last six months that I was going to be led to you, just so I could let you know directly that I love you – as does my family, as does the church body. So, I love you man! (brief pause) Now, if you want to get on your bike and run, feel free – but if you happen to have a minute can I continue?”
He replied with a smirk – “Go on, please.”
For the next 10 minutes we talked about how much of an impact he had on my life and the lives of my family. We talked about our time in New York City attending Hillsong and about overall life trials and tribulations. In his weakness, completely off camera and off the stage, he was the EXACT person I watched in person and on the television set – not one bit different.
He was actually very moved – and at the end of the chat he asked for a hug. We bro hugged it out and he told me how much this conversation meant to him and how much he needed the word of encouragement.
The conversation finished with me telling him his work wasn’t done and that he had millions of lives more to influence. It truly felt as if I had been called to that specific moment. I knew he had been going through hell – just like me, and in my moments of weakness and vulnerability some unlikely people showed up in my life and picked me up. Hopefully, if even for a very brief moment, I was exactly that for him.
There are significantly more personal takeaways I had from this series of events, but three worth sharing are as follows:
He speaks and he listens; The question is – are you ready?
The whole nudge to speak to Carl. The stopping of the bike going in the opposite direction. The randomness of him moving to SoCal. The hundreds of times this scene literally played out in my head before it happened – it can’t be made up. Sometimes you need to be still and quiet enough the mind to listen. When we are able to turn off the thousands of distractions each day and calm down our crazy monkey minds, we can find our center and press into our faith. If you are not intentional about making this a priority, however, it’s very easy to get swept away into all of life’s distractions. For me personally, it is important to unlock opportunities to impact other people – and the more I can create special moments for others the happier I am in life. In order to do that, I have to find ways to intentionally slow down.
He places us where we need to be so we can serve others, not necessarily for personal accomplishments, accolades or growth.
Be ready to go where He takes you. I am convinced that throughout our lives there are divine intersections with so many individuals, and that we were placed in specific situations so we can impact others. If we change our perspective in thinking we are led somewhere where he wants us to be for our own personal benefit, and instead realize we are potentially there to impact and influence someone else, we become more aware of our everyday encounters with others and our ability to impact their lives.
What if that one conversation was the nudge Carl needed to pick himself back off the mat and influence millions more? It may have been – it may not. Even if that interaction just made Carl’s day and made him feel an extra bit of worth, that’s all that matters to me.
We are all human and mess up.
Pastor Carl was on a very big platform when he faced personal challenges and adversity. But you know what, we all make mistakes and ‘f-up’. As opposed to labeling people when something happens to them, help pick them up and just care for them as human beings. Pastor Carl was just as genuine to me as what is on stage and on TV. That man has done so much for my faith and my spiritual walk that I was incredibly quick to look past his mistakes and focus on the many years that he crafted inspirational messages to share with the church. My respect for this guy was already sky high going into this conversation – and it went up 10x after having the opportunity to cross paths.