This is relatively tough for me to admit, but I’m no longer a spring chicken. Over the years I have lived throughout the country – from Ohio to Dallas to New York to Los Angeles. I’ve been given cowboy boots as a Christmas gift from my employer, watched my kids enjoy weekends playing in Central Park and soaked up the sun on sandy beaches of the West Coast. It has been a ride of a lifetime to experience the adventure with my family.
However, it hasn’t all been puppies and rainbows. At each destination, there have been many times where adversity has come my way. At times, it has been overwhelming. In certain situations, I didn’t think I had the energy to pick myself back up off the mat and keep going. I’ve been exhausted. Burnt out. Most signs pointed towards taking what was seemingly the best and easiest route, which would’ve been throwing in the towel and giving up.
But I haven’t surrendered to any of the circumstances. Instead, I have kept pushing and persevering. As a byproduct of facing these challenges and facing fear head on, I have accumulated a very high level of pain tolerance and have developed a mindset that allows me to have a mental edge in most, if not any, situation life throws my way.
In turn, I hope to give you a few pointers on how you can do the same when challenges arise.
Don’t quit. You’re already in pain. You’re already hurt. Get a reward from it.
Heraclitus, a philosopher born in the Persian Empire, had it right when he wrote about men on the battlefield. “Out of every 100 men, 10 shouldn’t even be there, 80 are just targets, nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them, for they make the battle. Ah, but the one, one is a warrior.”
Everybody has it in them to become the ‘one warrior’ that Heraclitus identifies. It is certainly plausible to live a life filled with accolades and accomplishments that most people feel is well beyond their reach and capacity. However, not many take the time to level up and tap into their own inner strength to become that individual.
It’s far from easy, but in order to gravitate towards becoming elite you must increase your pain tolerance and “Stare Down the Wolf”.

Increase Your Pain Tolerance
Did you know that amongst Navy SEALS, there is a 40% Rule? This rule, developed by the retired Navy SEAL chief David Goggins, states that when your mind is telling you that you’re done, that you’re exhausted, that you cannot possibly go any further, you’ve actually only exhausted 40% of your actual capacity.
A few weekends back, I decided to put this quote to the test. I went for a run, and at the two-mile marker I was pretty gassed. David Goggins’ social media content and the 40% rule surfaced to the forefront of my mind, so I flipped my playlist and I pushed myself a bit further. Four miles went by, then six, then nine. The only reason why I stopped after mile 11 is because I felt guilty for leaving Coty with the kids for that long and was sure she was probably very concerned about where I was (she wasn’t at all).
This one tiny instance made me start to think about how much MORE I could become and accomplish if moving forward I could kick it into a second gear instead of taking my foot off the gas when my mind told me I had hit max capacity.
Whatever your goal, you absolutely have to hold yourself accountable for the small steps it will takes to reach your end destination. Self-improvement takes dedication and self-discipline. I can ASSURE you the path to your goal (unless it’s a complete layup of an outcome) is not linear, and you will face obstacles that will stand in your way. Period. Those obstacles and adversaries may be situations or possibly even people.
Every time something happens you feel is a negative outcome, seek perspective on what you can learn as a result. The more you reposition and reframe your mind to look for learning outcomes instead of taking a victim mentality, the more you become tolerant to unfortunate circumstances.
Once you also start to recognize not all physical and mental limitations are real, you will likely realize that you have a habit of giving up way too soon. It takes toughness, courage and suffering to recalibrate your own limitations, but when you unlock this newfound potential it will be worth every ounce of sweat you invested.
Whenever you feel you have hit your max threshold, remember there is 60% more of you to give. It’s imperative to develop an aggressive mindset and play offense to go get what is yours. No one else is looking out for you as much as you, I can also assure you of that. If you want more than what you currently have, you are going to have to start digging deeper and doing things that you haven’t done before!
Hold yourself accountable. Push past pain. Learn to love what you fear. Relish failure.
If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow.

Staring Down the Wolf
What is “Staring Down the Wolf”? According to Mark Devine, ex-Navy SEAL, this is a Native American metaphor that we have two wolves inside of us at all times that fight for our attention. The first is the Wolf of Fear. The Wolf of Fear resides in our brain and tells us all the negative self-talk. It tells us we can’t, we aren’t good enough and we aren’t capable. The second is the Wolf of Courage that rests in our heart. This wolf is quiet, while the Wolf of Fear is loud and fights to occupy our minds. Our brains are wired for negativity!
We are 5x more likely to have fearful thought loops than positive thoughts. According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.
If we do not actively feed courage and connect to our heart and have positive imagery, then we will by default feed the Wolf of Fear. The more you feed it, the harder it is to stop. All our patterning is negative, fear-based, risk-averse and afraid of challenging ourselves. It becomes habituated until that is who we are.
Each day, we have a choice to do things the way we’ve always done them, or to stare down the Wolf of Fear until he backs off. When you start to take control of your thoughts and infuse your mind with positivity, you can break free of the automated 95% of your thinking that is repetitive and often times self-destructive. By staring down the wolf we eliminate succumbing to negative self-talk and we are able to get out of our own way.
The reward is on the other side of the pain.
So, what’s in it for you?
Benefits of Pushing Through Pain
Overcoming Fear.
It’s okay to be scared – pursue new opportunities that will make you better. What’s not okay is settling and failing to become everything you were meant to be. When you push yourself there will likely be a “ramp” or transition period, but once you learn you will quickly realize it wasn’t so bad and you were more than capable of rising to the challenge.
**After you make the leap of faith, watch out for your inner voice. Your brain always wants you to go back to room temperature where everything is nice and comfortable. If you start seeking the new challenges and opportunities and the temperature goes up, your brain will do everything it can to convince you to go back to where you were. It was cozy there. Go full speed ahead and once you arrive, burn the boats so there’s no going back.**
Creation of a Growth Mindset.
Benjamin Barber, an eminent political theorist, once said, “I don’t divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures. I divide the world into the learners and non-learners.”
When you fight through and taste success, you will be thirsty to continue to evolve and stretch yourself. As time progresses and you are comfortable becoming uncomfortable, you will re-wire your brain to constantly seek new tools and resources that equip you to take on more bigger challenges or secure more responsibilities. Complacency and standing still will no longer be a viable option on the table.
Self-Development & Experience.
It is remarkable how much you can learn about yourself when you feel your back is up against a wall and there is seemingly no way out. You learn how to manage your thoughts, how to manage relationships with those around you in times of distress and quickly develop tactics and strategies to propel your way forward. As you accumulate wisdom from previous experiences, there become fewer and fewer overwhelming situations.
Confidence Boost.
Remembering that you’ve been through difficulties before and have always survived to fight again shifts the conversation in your head. It will allow you to control and manage doubt, and keep you focused on taking each and every step necessary to achieve the task at hand. When you start accumulating wins and reaching benchmarks and milestones, you will build up confidence and recognize that you are just as capable as anyone to get the job done.